Chapter three, part three.

I am grateful for the friends I had and the memories we shared, I feel like they are only there when push comes to shove. I used to have someone there for me day to day... But that was which ever boy I fancied and not a true friend who would care. I know everyone has their own lives and routines, I just thought I would fit into them somehow as I would drop anything for any of my friends. I think maybe that's because my life is so unpredictable, I'm not afraid to run away... It's what I normally do and everyone else says how shit Whitstable is yet they don't leave? The world is your oyster... Not just Whitstable.

I do feel close to my family however far away they are. We live all over the place but I know I can rely on them. One cries, we all cry, one laughs, we all laugh... That's the family curse. My mum is like my best friend, not living with her has made our relationship what it is today, and I am grateful. Some people would think why am I grateful that I didn't grow up living with my mum and some heartless people say 'I would never leave my kids' well if you leave your kids to better both yours and their lives then that's the bravest thing a parent could do. I wouldn't know exactly how difficult it is because I've never done it, but my mum did and its not something she or us will hide away from, after all if we were ashamed or angry with her we would of held it against her but we haven't.By my mum leaving it gave all of us kids the bond that we will share forever, that extra closeness and love. We all know what love is, not just know what it is but actually know what it feels like, and we all know what it feels like to love someone and miss them. We all know what it's like to understand that you can love someone and leave, for the better. I will feel an endless closeness with my mum and her side of the family.

It's upsetting to think that I have a whole other half of a family out there who i don't know. My real dad (who we all call the sperm donor, because that's basically all he did) has ruined any relationship he would have had with any of his 7 kids by not caring. We don't need him and we never will. My dad is John Rowden and he is the only dad us kids will ever need. Although I have my real dads surname and I class myself as half Greek, I know I am a Rowden at heart.