Time to face the music, time to listen to advice and time to listen to my head. Sometimes you have to bite your tongue, hold your hands high and admit your stubborn. I normally own up to my mistakes and what I have done but falling out with my best friend wasn't either of our faults. I always said I felt alone and like I had no one, I look back on photos of us and see how close we were... And how we still can be. Maybe I think no ones there for me because I'm not there for myself. I don't let myself listen to my heart when I'm hurting, I just try to fix it without finding out what the problem is. I don't let my thoughts circulate too long without assuming the worst. I assume a lot of the time, I over think and second guess everyone's intentions... But should I really be doing that with my best friend of 6/7 years?
No. I should trust her and I do... I make an effort with everyone regardless of whether they do with me... Because I do care. I will be the only one to say it because I might just be the only one stupid enough but I would give an arm and a leg to go back and not jump to conclusion when it comes to the girl that helped me through a hell of a lot. Her family have been a second family to me, I've spent Christmas and birthdays with them, New Years (not that I've been sober to remember) and spent many times crying in their arms.
Family always forgive each other, and that's the only thought that goes through my head when I have a moody moment and think that my best friend isn't there... She ISN'T just a best friend, she IS my family, and has been for as long as I can remember. She sees me through every mood, lucky her! She has put up with me saying one day 'I love him' and the next change my mind and change the boy. Everyone says their best friend is 'the best' but honestly would your best friend put up with you being so unpredictable all the time? Constantly feeling like the world is against you and still yet feel like they are there?
I always say 'your lucky because you can walk away from me and block me out your life, but I can't run away from me! I have to put up with me 24/7' so count yourself lucky. My best friend deserves to be named, Cailin Bower. Although I'm such a handful she's used to big things so she can put up with me!
I'm not saying my family aren't good enough because of course they are but when it comes to birthdays, Christmases or other celebrations I don't want to have to choose whether I spend it with my mum or step dad, it's not fair to put that on anyone... That's why I spend it with Cailin and her family, I am part of their family and fit in right in the middle, all snug and sound along side with Cailins boyfriend and Hannah's best friend. I'm not saying I won't be moody again, because its me... But for now, I'm feeling incredibly lucky to have her and her family.
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